In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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