Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
