There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
