i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
