i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
