we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh god the rape fog is back!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
