Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
