Got a toothbrush?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
