Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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