I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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