11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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