I will die if light touches me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
