lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
