Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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