sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
