I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
