i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
