drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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