it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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