He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
