The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
