the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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