then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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