I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ttyl tear gas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
