So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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