Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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