my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
