YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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