so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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