the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
