sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
