i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
