I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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