Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
