alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So squirting runs in the family.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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