Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
