Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
