I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
