apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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