I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
