i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
