the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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