Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
