Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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