Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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