Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
