I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
