Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
