What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
