i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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