He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
