She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
