I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
