I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
